You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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