She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
