the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
