Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
