if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize