Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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