go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fuck appropriateness.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
