JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
