On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
