she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
