I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
