shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
