I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
