he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
