someone threw a dead crab at me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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