new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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