imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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