Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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