i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
