it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
