just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
