My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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