ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
