You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
