The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just invented taco cereal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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