I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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