Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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