I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
