Whod you bang
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had to cum in my sink.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
