Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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