There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
