i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
