Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so much tequila, so little girl.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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