Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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