My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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