I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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