i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
