wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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