The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
