Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
