Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
