the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
