Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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