I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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