Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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