Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
