I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
