I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize