Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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