yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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