Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
