So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
