I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this just has baby written all over it
I intend to get homeless drunk
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When are your genitals available?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
