I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bring money and cleavage
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
