Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
