Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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