I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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