he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
