Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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