Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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