I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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