WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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