I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
