I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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