some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
