This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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