Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
