you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
