toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
