From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
